What I've Learned So Far in 2011








Okay, so it's been awhile.

I've been busy.  And procrastinating.  But like, also busy.

To get reacquainted, let's start off with some notes from 2011 so far:

  • I went on a trip to Malaysia and Brunei.  You haven't heard of Brunei.  Check it out.  The most random countries have always been the ones that really fry my wonton, and Brunei certainly fits the bill.  Some images of this trip are below.
  • One day I dropped a 12-pound barbell directly on my bare foot while on a business phone call, which left me with a limp for a week.  Which left me explaining to people why I was limping.  Which left us all enduring the elephant in the room that it was now clear that I had 12-pound barbells in my apartment.  More on that below as well.
  • Winston is doing well.  Thanks for asking.  His most recent fetish is trying to eat the rug.  I'm also concerned that he may be constipated in general.  It's unclear.
  • I fell in love since we last spoke.  I know, it's awesome.  I'd like you to meet her.  Here she is.  Now before you start making your judgments—"She's an old man," "She's dead," etc.—watch all 11 videos and you'll understand.
  • The Oscars are really irritating.  The two idiots at the beginning who comment on everyone's dress are painful enough, but then you get to some of the acceptance speeches...like that heinous narcissist who won Best Supporting Actress...and it's basically an unwatchable program.
  • This is sexually arousing.

But above all, I want to discuss some things I've learned so far in 2011.  Here are 7:

1) A chicken can ruin your life.



















2) When you're in Brunei, keep your comments about the Sultan positive.










3) Just because you have a strokable beard, it does not mean you look cool.




4) Foot reflexology is not the same thing as a foot massage.














5) My grandfather still cannot hear anything.



6) Dropping a 12-pound barbell directly on your bare foot during a business phone call is a negative life experience.











7) I should never drink a full cup of Starbucks coffee.










More cartoons:


47 comments:

Aaron said...

I really love this blog.

Anonymous said...

FINALLY, a new post! Very glad to confirm that you are in fact alive. Don't ever leave me again.

Anonymous said...

STOP MAKING ME LAUGH AT WORK.

heart...

Becky P. said...

My favorite of your drawing posts yet. Oh my god, the thinking bubbles falling...too funny. Anytime your grandparents enter the picture in a post, it's also a huge treat. Thanks for entertaining me!

Hollie said...

YAY!!! I was so happy to see a new post. You made my day, as always.
My boyfriend moved to Abu Dhabi this past August for a two-year work contract. He's done a lot of the stuff you've talked about in your post from your visit to UAE (camping in the desert, etc). He travels a lot for work, so I bet you guys would get along really well, actually. I'm flying there on Saturday to visit him for two weeks. We're going to camp in Oman like you did, and spend a number of days in Dubai. So excited!!!

Anonymous said...

DICK BLAZING EYE FUCK is the greatest cursing outburst I've ever heard. I'm going to start using it regularly.

Anonymous said...

I really wish I knew you in person.

Anonymous said...

Best part of this by far is the rooster saying "cock-a-doodle fucking doo" the third time he says it.

Anonymous said...

Please, Tim, give us a travel journal from Brunei. Your travel journals are unbeatable!

natasha said...

oh wow. You were in my country, Malaysia. Where exactly? Next time do contact me. I could show you around :). Seriously.

Tim Urban said...

I was gonna do a travel journal, but did a fairly detailed Facebook album instead. Check it out.

Anonymous said...

Um, Tim, I am sure your facebook photo album is unbeatable too, but not really accessible?!?

boyfrienddiary said...

The first one is most definitely accurate. Please humour us more often.

Anonymous said...

FINALLY !!!

Anonymous said...

FACEBOOK = Follow the 12 er 1 Monkey.

Anonymous said...

The first cartoon was an amusingly accurate depiction of me! :) Glad you're back. I was beginning to think you fell off te face of the earth or something..

Anonymous said...

It's Friiiiday Friiiiday ...

I want to make it clear the only
reason I visit porn sites is so
that anyone noticing it leaves me
alone , then I can read this blog
without anyone interrupting me.

Ambam thank you maam , the walking gorilla ...

Kurt Kuden said...

now i hate you damn much. you came to malaysia, and did not tell us earlier!

we should have meet up and i can show you around! i am a big fan of yours!

Anonymous said...

Magical
Orator
Retires
Early ?

Been
Learning
Of
Garbage !

M.O.R.E. B.L.O.G. or Meatloaf will
become even more vulgar and weird.

Gary Busey .......

Anonymous said...

Dude ... the world ends today and you don't have the common decency to provide a reach around er update your blog.

http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/outreach/tracts/may21/

Anonymous said...

Timster,

It was WORLD TURTLE DAY May 23rd and yet you don't have the common decency to provide Winston some blogging space to speak his mind.

What's up with that !!!

Anonymous said...

dude, stop having a life, and come back to write us a blog post.
please?

CloCleeClo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tiffany said...

Tim,

Not sure if you've seen this...sounds like something you would enjoy reading though!!

http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=102

Anonymous said...

I'm not tim but that site was hilarious.

And where is Tim ... somebody kidnapped him in New York ???

=facks

Anonymous said...

i think its about time for a new blog post! you are giving all your readers some serious heartburn!

Anonymous said...

are you officially abandoning us?

Mihaela said...

nice

Gyn said...

Awww Tim :( You cameto Malaysia and never bothered to meet your Maleysian fan?

I has the sads now :(

Anonymous said...

FUCK YOUR SATURDAY AND WRITE SOMETHING ELSE OH MY GOD.

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