9 Things That Make My Life Worse

1) Kids that bang on the piano while I'm playing. 


And yes, I'm very proud of that piano drawing.


2) My iPhone deciding to start playing random songs at random times.  In the old days, the thing that sucked was when you'd open a website and it would automatically start playing a loud video and embarrass you in public:





But this thing my iPhone occasionally does presents far more horrifying situations.  Not only is the speaker really loud when the headphones aren't plugged in, but there's no way to quickly silence iPhone music—it takes a few steps.  To compound things, I often have it on shuffle, and it inevitably selects a mortifying song to play:


The above is based on a true story.


3) Hiccups.



4) My inability to sit Indian style.  I recently visited my sister, who lives in Boulder.  She and her friends are all super "outdoorsy."  And there's nothing outdoorsy people hate more than comfort.  Indeed, for outdoorsy people, the more physically uncomfortable, the better:



So naturally, when the night's activity was watching The Big Lebowski on a huge outdoor screen, my group didn't consider bringing chairs, deciding a thin blanket would suffice.  Which works out fine for people who can sit Indian style.



5) Girls who need to be in a full embrace during sleep.  Cuddling is all well and good, but when it's actually time to sleep, there need to be limits.



6) Dick babies.  

Let's start by depicting a normal, reasonable baby:



Baby made it look easy, right?  And yet, the all-too-common dick baby:



7) Bugs.  There are two different ways I react to bugs:




8) Ridiculously loud motorcycles.



9) Watching a movie I really love with someone who has never seen it before. 





19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ahhh I keep tellin' people
analog analog , everythING
n' everyONE else is a wind
up toyyyy.

Now this one betta take or
I! Will Lose! My Mind!

Al Pacino ...

Anonymous said...

Oh lord these NEED to be in a newspaper.

Anonymous said...

"The kid's what's important now."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

This is too good...

And your face when your sister suggests sitting on the rocks is priceless.

It's funny that you can't sit Indian Style. When did you first learn this? Were you in second grade class one day when you realized you didn't have this key life skill?

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha!!!

I just love these drawings. You should do an exhibit at an art gallery.

I've also got to tell you....the more I read your blog, the more I'm convinced we must be related.
Too spot on!!!

~Joey

Anonymous said...

Yeah, your "let's go sit on the rocks face" is good. And I like the mushy baby drawing!

-Snib

Anonymous said...

Are the drawings going to become a "thing" or is this just a writing tablet honeymoon ramification?

Anonymous said...

Dope man. You're really funny.

Tim Urban said...

Yeah I think the drawings are here to stay. Careless stick figures are just really fun to draw.

Anonymous said...

oh my God. 'every letter but z'. my husband was wondering why i was giggling uncontrollably.

please never ever have a blog post without any drawings ever again.

Anonymous said...

One time in college I snuck into the back of a class to talk to a friend. The class that those really hard blue plastic seats. Well one thing led to another and somebody farted and it echoed off the chair so we were laughing and trying not to laugh which made it worse and then the machine gun farts started rapid firing ... it was all over. We had to bail out the back.

Draw that !!!

Anonymous said...

Mad piano !!!

And I can't sit that way either nor in any position for longer than 45 seconds.

BTW - What is your turtle trying to say to the bug ???

Anonymous said...

I'm re-blogging this. Killer shit.

Anonymous said...

Winston ... what are you saying ?

Winston said...

I'm not saying anything. That's a thinking bubble. And inside of it is another Winston.

Anonymous said...

I need a better monitor ...

Rock on Winston !!!

Anonymous said...

I saw you on a date at Angel's Share last Thursday. Your date was cute. :)

Anonymous said...

god the movie thing is the story of my life.

Anonymous said...

It's ok. I couldn't skip....