Internet Drama

For awhile now, I've been a Safari user when it comes to the internet. For years I used Explorer, but when someone tipped me off that Safari was faster, I made the switch. And for the last two years I've used Safari happily. Well, mostly happily.

Someone recently told me about the browser Firefox, and claimed that it was much faster than Safari. I scoffed outwardly, but inwardly I wondered. Is it possible that Safari isn't The One for me? I tried to ignore these thoughts, but the more I thought about it, the more doubts I began to have. The fact is, I've gotten the message, "The application Safari has unexpectedly quit" more than I'd like to admit. And then tonight, during my fantasy baseball draft, the most intense and emotional 3 hours of my year, the time when I needed a reliable browser the most, Safari quit on me. Twice.

It's like a girl that has a tendency to storm off or hang up the phone when there's a fight, and then one night she has a fit and storms out of an important event, in front of everyone-- the fact is, that might just be the end for you and the girl.

Tonight, after the draft, I downloaded Firefox. And as if things weren't awkward enough already, I had to use Safari to download it. That's like telling your girlfriend you're breaking up with her, but that first you need her to help you win over this new girl you're really into, who's hotter and has a faster search engine than she does.

Anyway, when I checked my email using Firefox, I had to sign in to Yahoo!, something I don't do often, since Safari had always remembered my username and password. (I knew this would happen-- I'm suddenly overwhelmed by emotion and guilt. I miss Safari. It may not have been perfect, but it was a damn good browser. I even miss Explorer right now, even though I haven't used it in years. I wonder how he's doing. I hope he's doing alright.)

So anyway I signed in to Yahoo!, and as I was typing in my username and password, I couldn't help but notice this picture in the middle of the screen--


My reaction was like the reaction I have when I open a container of food and see it's all moldy and gasp and shut the container. I immediately looked away, and I tried to type the remainder of my password in, but had trouble because of the proximity of this heinous picture to the password field. It begged the question: Why would Yahoo! think that this was a good picture to put on their website? What was the thought process when the decision was made? Who was in charge?

Partially out of the desire to free myself from this photo and partially out of curiosity, I refreshed the page. I came upon a new version of the Yahoo! Mail promotion, now with this picture:


I gasped audibly, for the second time in 30 seconds. While not as horrid and creepy as the first picture, this was quite simply one of the most irritating photos I've ever seen. Could it be that the same person chose both of these pictures? Are Google executives sending Gmail technicians to hack into the Yahoo! system and plant the worst pictures in the world? I refreshed again:


And again:


Either Yahoo! is committing suicide, or I have a serious lack of understanding of marketing. Those are four of the worst photos I can imagine.

Eventually I signed in successfully, and tried to forget what had just happened. It felt like a bad dream. Once I moved on, I began to appreciate the wonders of Firefox. It's fast, it has a great ass, and the tabs homepage feature is revolutionary. I've come to terms with the move, but the guilt is still there. I'm sure I'll see Safari around, from time to time. And hopefully, with time, the pain will ease.

9 comments:

morgan said...

where is this tabs homepage feature you speak of

Tim Urban said...

Bring up a site you like, then go to file, add new tab, and bring up another site you like. After your 4 or 5 favorite sites are up in the same window, go to preferences and set this as your homepage. Revolutionary may have been an exaggeration, but I get excited about things like this.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Urban, I have no idea who you are, but you just made me laugh outloud at work.

Lunin said...

I'm deeply offended you prefer the baseball draft over football. I can't look at you right now. Good thing you are on an opposite coast, or you might get a punch to the dome.

Andrew Finn said...

yahoo mail:gmail::explorer:firefox

450

morgan said...

genius

Jacob Eli said...

Umm, I am 99% sure that first picture is of Tim, with two rings on...

Anonymous said...

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY VOTED MANDISA OFF, YOUR IDOL DREAMS ARE TOAST.

angry person said...

you need to post more, I'm getting angry.