Haircuts, etc.

With every passing day, I'm becoming increasingly self-loathing every time I look in the mirror. This is normal. It all starts at the barber shop.

I get a haircut every month or so. My barber is an awesome old Italian dude I've been going to for the last three years. He's an extremely mediocre barber. About 60% of the time he gives me a competent, normal haircut. The other 40% of the time he gives me a retarded, bad haircut. And I never know which one it was until I go home and shower.

When it's a normal, good haircut, my next week is excellent. Every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded that my head is small and satisfying-looking. The second week is also good. Not a dream like the first week but my self-esteem is still at a healthy level. The third week is when things begin to deteriorate. By the fourth week, my head is large, hideous, and every glance at the mirror is like a hammer pounding my self-esteem Earthward. There will be times in a Week 4 when I'm having a good day. The sun's out, life is good, and I'm feeling alright about myself. But inevitably, I head to the bathroom at some point, and the mirror shatters my sense of self-worth. Yes, by the fourth week, things have gotten ugly.

That's the best-case scenario. The other 40% of the time, my barber shits the bed. Those bring on a tough month. The first week is worse than any of the previously-mentioned ones. I usually just avoid the bathroom altogether. This situation actually improves in the second and third week as the hair growth begins to conceal the retardedness. By the fourth week, we're back to where we always are in the fourth week.

And yet, when Frank Lombardi ("Frankie Suits") once told me he gets a haircut once a week, I mocked him. Because who the hell gets a haircut once a week?

Anyway, let's move on. A few other things-

-I recently saw Wall-e. Pretty thrilling. I love Pixar.

-I also saw Mongol. Which is apparently not a very well-known movie, since every time I ask anyone if they've seen Mongol, they have no idea what I'm talking about. In any case, I was disappointed. I read the book Genghis Khan a year ago. The author, Jack Weatherford, had done a ridiculous amount of research and his book is one of the most historically accurate accounts of Genghis Khan's life ever written. I found it absolutely riveting.

So I was irritated to see that the movie added fabricated story lines and drama-- when the truth is already an epic Hollywood script.

-The three-part Discovery Channel series "When We Left Earth," about American space travel from the late '50s to the present, is delectable and fascinating. '60s astronauts were ridiculously cool. I wish I had grown up in that era, instead of in this stupid generation when no one gives a crap about space travel. I desperately want to go to the moon. One day.

-I got the new iPhone today. Yet again, I find deep, fulfilling happiness by means of a computer company.

-There was a new JonBenet Ramsey headline the other day. The U.S. Census reports that there are roughly 15 - 20,000 murder victims every year, about 500 of which are kids under eight years old. And we've been talking about this one nonstop for 12 years. I don't get it.