Dogs

I was walking behind a woman today when I noticed that her little dog was wearing shoes. Four tiny shoes. About a block later, the dog shat. And what did the owner do? Well of course, she removed a Wet-Nap from her purse and wiped its ass.

People in general take their pets too seriously. People in LA take their pets way, way to seriously. I regularly see 7 pound dogs wearing earmuffs, sweaters, sneakers, and scarves. And these garments are not being worn ironically.

I often make the comment that it's funny that a dog is like us, except we have a brain and a dog has no brain. When you look at a dog, the comment makes perfect sense. Yet, almost without fail, someone will respond with, "Dogs have brains!" As if.

Now even the most adamant pet apologist wouldn't argue that my turtle has a brain. So why lie to ourselves about dogs? The most absurd thing is when people claim that their dog is "smart." While Jumper might be smart for a dog, let's remember that even the smartest dog is a cement-head.

Incidentally, the same goes for babies. Babies are like us, except they're tiny and they have no brain. A baby is a pod. But people seem put off by these comments as well.