Iron Man

Yesterday I found myself in a fairly frantic situation. I unexpectedly needed to wear a suit to something a couple hours later in the day, but my dress shirts were all badly wrinkled. I tried the old "pulling the shirt taut to try to unwrinkle it" and was disappointed to see that it had little effect. So I took a deep breath-- I knew what I had to do.

I walked over to the closet and took out the ironing board and the iron. I had never ironed anything before, partially because I've never especially cared about wearing wrinkled clothes and partially because I don't know how.

I held the iron up and looked at it-- no doubt a confusing device. I vaguely remembered that water was involved in the ironing process. I searched around for a place to put water and found a little hole in the handle, and filled it. Then I plugged it in, and it was at that moment that the iron became a very mean and scary device.

During the next 30 minutes:

-I burned myself at least four times
-I ironed as many sharp wrinkles into the shirt as I ironed wrinkles out of it
-The iron fell off the ironing board more than once, which is a lot more upsetting than it sounds
-I burned myself more
-I partially melted a button
-I failed to figure out how the hell to iron a sleeve without ironing wrinkles into the other side
-I cursed mightily
-I may have shed a tear or two

When I finished, I put the iron away, burning myself one last time for good measure. Then I couldn't figure out how to close the legs of the ironing board. After throwing the board across the room, I held up the shirt. Other than a few newly ironed creases and multiple spots of water, it looked pretty good.

"I'll be damned," I thought. "I'll be damned."

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

i concur. ironing is extremely difficult.

Anonymous said...

I love you!!!

Happy Will said...

He still finds time to blog. What a man!!!

Anonymous said...

It seems there has never been a girl you've loved, or cared to love. Would you want a girl who would iron your shirts for you?

Kate said...

Laughed so hard at this! But did you know you can get most wrinkles out by hanging your clothes in the bathroom while you take a hot shower (the steam releases wrinkles)?