I just caught up with my friend Matt, who told me that he checks this blog pretty often as a means of procrastination, and that every time he checks it and there's no new entry up, he feels like he's my bitch. So it only seemed right to post something tonight.

I spent most of the past two weeks in Mexico. Some highlights:

-My Spanish kind of sucks. It got slightly better throughout the week, but I hit a wall whenever I needed to speak in anything other than the present tense. I also can't understand Spanish nearly as well as I can speak it. I can get across most of what I want to say, but then as soon as they start talking I panic and say, "No comprendo." I also got yelled at for calling a young, unmarried woman "senora" instead of "senorita."

-Mexico City was surprisingly nice. Obviously there's a ton of crime and drugs and such in the city, but it's pretty easy to not really come into much contact with those parts. I was there with my baby sister Jordan-- after having a fun night out on 12/30, we assumed New Years would be huge. We assumed wrong. Apparently, Mexicans treat New Years like Americans treat Thanksgiving: a quiet night with family. Almost all bars and most restaurants were closed and the streets were dead. We ended up in a Japanese restaurant. On the bright side, they had a jellyfish tank in the restaurant.

-Looking at a map, I noticed that Acapulco was near Mexico City. So we said what the hell and headed to the coast. Acapulco was dirty, seedy, and awesome. It was the American college spring break trip I never took. There were very few Americans around, but a ton of Mexican tourists, and a wealth of tequila shots. Tequila shots make me want to be dead. One night this vile liquid led to the ill-advised decision to go liquored up bungee jumping at 4am at a bar called "Paradise."

-While in Acapulco, I met a professional belly dancer who taught me how to belly dance. A skill I never imagined I'd acquire. But you never know when it will come in handy.

-We made some Mexican friends, and one day on the beach, one of them started eating an apple with hot sauce. I tried it-- it was delicious.

-One of our friends refused to go into the ocean because she "couldn't swim." I've heard this a lot in the past. A lot of people "can't swim." What the hell does that mean? You don't have to know the crawl stroke to be able to tread water. You don't have to be taught how to doggy paddle. I'll go in a pool for an hour and not once will I swim an official stroke or do anything I was ever taught, but I can still go in the water. Someone needs to explain this to me.

-Mexicans were, by and large, extremely friendly and pleasant. But one day the cab driver was a dick. Hard to really describe, but he was just dickish-- which left me in a quandary I've experienced before. He was probably dickish because he's used to tourists stiffing him on tips, or because he doesn't like Americans for some other reason. So I have two options-- tip him badly for bad service, which reinforces his negative stereotype of Americans, or tip him well and change his opinion, while also rewarding him for dickish behavior. I used to struggle with this constantly as a kid in a restaurant. The adult couple who arrived later would get their food first and it would make me furious, and I wouldn't know how to say "go to hell" the best: to stiff them or to leave a huge tip. I gave the guy an excellent tip. He responded with, "Gracias."

-This is Alvarez. I spent 10 minutes picturing that his beak wasn't real but just glued on like a mask, and that underneath it was just a little bird face. I suggest you give it a try.


-I wrote the date for the first time in a couple weeks the other day. "08" is far more time consuming than "07" was. I'm not asking for a dream situation like "01," but this is going to eat up a large part of my year.

-The Patriots are my wife, kids, body, soul, eyebrows, heart, and spirit. If they lose on Sunday, you may not hear from me ever again. Plus, as much as I hate the Colts, I hate the Chargers. Those whiny, overrated, low-class bitches.

-Finally, this made me laugh out loud multiple times.


Anonymous said...

I'll never be able to look at a parrot the same way again. Alvarez IS a small bird.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for that.
Tim: "Jesus really...I mean...sure I guess. $50?"
Me: "Yeah! I'll just come by after you've been to the gym, you can slide them to me under the bathroom door and I'll leave the money wherever you want and-"
Tim: "O.K. whatever dude- just wait for me outside my gym. Ill give them to you there and you can mail them back-CLEAN. I don't want you in my house."
Me: "Sure! Sure! Of course! Thank you sooo much...I'm just so excited that-"
Tim: "yeah- I'm usually there sometime between 6 and 10."

Nat said...

Why didn't you get one of your Spanish tutors to tutor you before you left? Common Harvard boy, you could have fit it into your schedule.

Anonymous said...

Timy, stop pretending you don't speak Spanish : tout le monde sait que tu le parles presque aussi bien que le francais. Et c'est peu dire...