People Who Suck

People that are loudly social on the street outside my apartment on weekend nights that I decide to stay in, reminding me that I’m being a loser, and ruining everything.

Everyone at the Superbowl party who doesn’t care about the game.

People who think that fruit is a satisfactory solution to hunger.

People who blast music in the car.

I don’t get this. Imagine you’re visiting a friend. You walk into their house and you both head to the living room. Your friend offers you a beer. All good so far. Then your friend heads over to the stereo and turns the radio on, full volume, and sits down in the living room with you.

That would be idiotic, right? So why is the car different?


People who stop me on the street with a really sympathetic cause and leave me feeling like a horrible person for not giving them money.

People who are on a high horse about being 5-10 years behind the curve in technology.

These people suck. They’re not resisting technology because they don’t like it—more so, they're resisting it because it makes them feel superior to everyone else. They see everyone adapt to the new thing, and they don’t want to be part of the flock—even if the sheeps' lives are made much easier and more efficient by embracing modern technology. If the resistance were based on any real principle other than pure self-righteousness, all those people that were so pleased with themselves in the late ‘90s when they didn’t have a cell phone still wouldn’t have one. But as soon as it actually started becoming a legitimate life sacrifice, they all switched over.

I’m not criticizing people who are behind the curve – just the ones who feel superior about it. You know who you are.


Guys whose sense of masculinity is closely correlated to how patronizing they are to me when I start dating their younger sister.

Me and my dumb overthinking brain when it’s time to sleep.

People who can’t help themselves and have to say the dumb, obvious, unfunny joke when it pops into their head.

Self-absorbed girls.

Disappearing for awhile. Back in November…