Winston

My tortoise Winston, though a regular visitor to this blog, has always requested that I leave him out of it as much as possible. He has been particularly adamant that I refrain from posting photos or videos of him here. I asked him his reasons once and he said he didn't want to start getting recognized in public. Plus, he added, he'd be playing with fire should he ever want to pursue a career in politics, something he's mused about for ages. I, for one, have always suspected that he's a bit shy more than anything.

But readers are becoming restless. Requests to see Winston in the flesh have recently turned to demands. Just days ago, a commenter suggested that perhaps Winston wasn't even real-- that he may be only a figment of my twisted imagination. Winston, who had remained quiet on the subject despite the growing protests, had had enough.

"Screw it," he said to me one recent morning.

"Screw it?" I asked.

"Screw it. Put me in the blog. I don't want these blog visitors thinking that I don't exist."

"You do exist," I added.

"Damned right I do," he snapped. "Put me in the blog."

This was a big step for him. "Are you sure?" I asked.

He paused. His head emerged a few millimeters further from his shell, and he looked out the window. He stayed like that for a couple minutes, pensive. "Yes," he said finally. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Do you want to show them your freezedance?" I asked delicately.

We both knew the answer. "Yes," he said. "Yes, show them my freezedance."

And so, on this Sunday, you'll all have a chance to get to know one of my closest friends and fondest toys. I'm happy to present to you, Winston the Tortoise. The unbearably low quality of these videos is the reason for the background sound. No volume is needed until the last two videos.

We'll get to his musical talents later. First, let's visit Winston doing ordinary things. Here he is hanging out (I would recommend that you don't watch more than 10 seconds of this video, as it is excruciatingly boring):




Eating, and enjoying doing so:




I always think it's funny that evolution gave tortoises the shaft in every possible way (they can't run, they can't climb, they can't swim, they can't bite, they can't claw) except one-- they can hide. Anytime, anywhere. This is Winston retracting into his shell the first time the camera approaches him:




It's a myth that tortoises are slow. Winston is incredibly fast, he's just carrying a massive shell on his back all the time. As soon as I relieve him of that weight, he speed along nicely:




Winston always enjoys a good challenge. Here, he finds himself in a pickle as he is surrounded by a wire. He knows he needs to get out, but it won't be easy:




Getting off the shoe is one nut Winston still hasn't cracked:




Time to crank your computer volume up. Winston is exceptional at freezedancing:




I couldn't help myself: