A New Friend?

Today outside a restaurant I saw three dogs tied to a post: A large golden retreiver, a large labrador, and a tiny white bichon. It put me in a great mood and made me remember how much I like dogs. I want a pet. Best toy ever. If I get a dog now, though, I'll definitely regret it.

I grew accustomed to the 4-foot python we had in our room in college and have considered getting one of those for the apartment. I'd regret that too, each time I had to feed it a live rat.

One time I was tutoring at a house and the kid had a bird. He was trying to show me the bird and the fucking thing started flying around the room and I jumped into the bed and the kid and his mother frantically tried to get ahold of the little fucker and finally got it and put it back in the cage. Then they realized I was cowering under the covers and they laughed. Scarring. And yet, it has crossed my mind to get a bird.

I also seriously considered getting an antfarm when I saw one of those at someone's house this year, but I realized I didn't know how. I could get a hamster too, but I only want one that doesn't bite and there's a solid chance I'd get one that does bite and then I'd never play with it (snake idea has same problem and a biting snake is infinitely less fun than a biting hampster).

A goldfish is the worst pet ever. It's extremely unintelligent, hates playing, and never acknowledges your existence. I guess you can put a spoon in the bowl and push it around and harass it for fun sometimes.

I could get a fox but that would ruin my life. I could get a rabbit but that's just retarded.

A monkey would be a dream, but I'd feel the need to pay attention to it and keep it entertained. And I'd feel guilty caging a monkey. But god a monkey would be great.

A seal is a terrible idea. And I don't know how to get one. Plus the seal in March of the Penguins scared the shit out of me.

For a second just now I considered getting a tarantula, and then I immediately stopped considering that. A frog is shitty. A chicken would be hilarious on many levels, but I don't think you can just go get a chicken.

What I'd want more than anything in the world is a miniature elephant. One that was the size of a shoebox.

But fantasizing about nonexistent pets won't get me anywhere. I have a decision to make. Tomorrow. I'll post another message tomorrow and reveal the pet I got. I hope I don't end up with a goldfish.