I really didn't want to write an entry about American Idol. I really really didn't. I asked myself the question, "Do I want to be the kind of guy that writes blog entries about American Idol?" And the answer was always, "no, I don't." Even the little voice in my head would chime in, saying, "Tim, I don't want you to write and publish your thoughts on a little girl's television show on the internet." Yes, all signs pointed to not writing the entry.

And yet, here we are.

Sometimes there are simply too many thoughts on a topic not to write about it, no matter how much dignity you're throwing down the trash chute. I will now self-loathingly detail a number of my thoughts on the show up to this point.

-David Radford was my favorite contestant on the show since day one. It's a damn shame he came out with that lukewarm performance on Wednesday, and an equally damn shame that America didn't give him another chance.

-It's apparent that if a girl is too hot, they will be voted off quickly. A girl who's "cute" or "pretty" can make it far, but not a real hottie. Way too many female voters for that.

-Gedeon is one of the creepiest people I've ever seen. That said, if they made a black Batman, he'd be a phenomenal Joker.

-My attraction to Kellie Pickler is too intense for me to go into any further here.

-What the hell ethnicity is Brenna Gethers? And what the hell ethnicity was Bobby Bennett? Sway?? Who puts three ambiguous people on one show? Apparently America didn't like being confused either.

-Will Makar is an unbelievable little weenie. If he stays on for too long it's going to really piss me off.

-Ryan Seacrest is such a remarkable d-bag it's frightening. He's taken the concept of the douchebag to a level I've never seen before. A friend pointed out that he may in fact be so lame that it's cool. While at first I scoffed at the idea, I've found my hatred for him slowly waning over the past weeks, almost as if I'm starting to appreciate what he's been able to do in redefining the idea of a true d-bag. In any case, I am in real danger of reaching a state where I "enjoy Seacrest."

-The random girl, something McGhee, is not attractive. I didn't want to be attracted to her. But it happened, and there's nothing I can do about it.

-Simon continues to be entirely responsible for the show's credibility. There aren't three judges, there is one real judge and everyone knows it. The other two have yet to establish any rapport with Simon that doesn't leave them looking stupid and unfunny. At least Seacrest has something resembling a mutual feud with Simon (and he still looks stupid in 90% of the interactions).

-I'm fascinated by Elliot Yamin. Who can predict what will happen with a guy that ugly who sings that well? What a weird situation.

-Nothing is more fun than picturing the cool people from Kevin Covais's high school watching the show, and saying, "That guy??! How the hell is that guy on this show??"

-Daughtry looks and sings like the guy from Live. He'll be around until the end, along with Taylor Hicks, Ace, Mandisa, Lisa Tucker, and Paris, in what will be an epic white male vs. black female standoff.

And there we have it. Now I'm off to wrestle a tiger and kill him with my bare hands and eat him raw so I can write about that tomorrow to balance things out.


Anonymous said...

You were a huge weenie until I read your last paragraph which made me laugh outloud.

Anonymous said...

The "american idol," is just what I want to be. To have a voice, to sing my song, to the reaches deep to the sea. You can't say no; I will not go. There's a song I have to sing. The "american idol" is just what I want to be.

Shirley said...

The fact that a guy called Tim Urban actually took part in American Idol later in the future made me giggle on the train while reading this.