My Quest for Urban Domination

One of my main goals in life is to be the first Tim Urban on the list of search results on google. There's a long way to go though. After searching for myself, I saw that my Back Page Sports article is the 10th on the list of googled items, and this idiot blog is 21st. Standing in my way are Dr. Tim Urban in Texas, Tim Urban, the CEO of NuWave Industries, Tim Urban, the professor of Operations Management at the University of Tulsa, Tim Urban, the president of Gerson Company, and Tim Urban, who's running for mayor in West Des Moines, Iowa.

The potential mayor is most worrisome. If he wins, he'll sure up the top google spot for years to come. Even at msn.com, where I reign as #1, Tim Urban the mayor would overtake me if he were to win. Plus, I'll have to deal with endless inquiries along the lines of, "Any relation to the West Des Moines mayor?" anytime I introduce myself. If he wins, I'm going to immediately run for mayor of Los Angeles to trump him. Needless to say, I'll be following this race intensely.

Right now he's promising to build a "big city-type complex" in West Des Moines, creating a real "center of town." He's promising to "bring elements of a big city to suburban West Des Moines."

Bullshit.

I haven't heard a more idle and empty promise since I promised "the best prom ever" in my bid for Class President. West Des Moines is a small farming community and cannot sustain this type of "big city complex." What's next, a promise to bring an NFL team to West Des Moines? A national "What happens in West Des Moines stays in West Des Moines" ad campaign? Let's hope this clown loses in a landslide.

4 comments:

Happy Will said...

For a good time, do a global search of all the Urbans on Facebook.com.

Ali Urban seems like a piece of ass.

Andrew Finn said...

this inspired me to google myself for about 20 minutes during work. what are they fucking odds that there is a professional rugby player named Andrew Finn? I would have at least had "Andrew Finn and Rugby" locked up, but noooo...now I have to go kill a man

Tim Urban said...

I didn't know we were so numerous, although I have gotten phone calls and a bill or two for different Tim Urbans. At least I wasn't named Keith (and for the umpteenth time, No, I'm not related). My son's name is Karl, though, so I bought him his own action figure (Eomer from LotR). Good luck on your quest for Google domination.

Dr. Tim Urban (the rocket scientist in Texas)

Anonymous said...

and look where u are now...